Self Image Struggles

I have been struggling with the time change. I feel like I am trying to hibernate! The last few evenings I have been carb loading and trying to pass-out around 7:30pm. Plus there was the stress of the Election...

I have also been struggling with body image lately. I feel stagnant in my weight loss. It is coming off more slowly as the year progresses. Which is understandable. It typically comes off faster at first as you introduce diet change and physical fitness. I keep pushing forward even after I fall down...This week I lost 4 oz. Better than a gain though.

I can remember at one point early into my weight loss journey my resting heart rate was at 94. Did you hear that??? 94!!! That's not good! Now my resting heart rate is about 64/65. So over the last 10 months I have reduced my resting heart rate 30 points. My heart is working more effectively now.

So over the last 10 months I have lost 51 lbs, lost several inches(I need to find my starting inches), a few pant sizes and lowered my resting heart rate 30 points and I still struggle to see that big of a difference. I emotionally feel like I am still 237 lbs on some days.

I am trying to focus on what my body can do rather than what it isn't. I know that I will never have my body back to the way it was before I had kiddos. I gained 90 lbs with my first pregnancy. I didn't just get stretchmarks, I got skin tears. Everywhere. Even the backs of my knees. That cute little belly ring I was once able to wear will never see the light of day again. There is loose skin and sad boobies. lol But you know what? I can walk. I have all of my limbs. I can play with my children. I am otherwise healthy (with the exception of my PCOS and anxiety disorder). My husband thinks I am beautiful.

Why do I put so much value on my outward appearance? Of course you feel better when you take care of yourself. That's not what I mean...but when I look in the mirror all I can see is my "mom tummy" and the bags under my eyes. I am getting older by the minute. I am more than that though. I know this. 

I am on a mission to love my body and to be comfortable in my own skin. I know it has to be possible. It won't matter how much weight I lose if I can't love my body as it is now I will never be happy with it.

Quiting Coffee...What?!?

So I haven't posted in a minute. It's crazy how life can get away from you. We are back in the swing of school and all of the activities and homework that comes along with that. My youngest is in fifth grade this year and let me tell ya'll I am not smarter than a fifth grader! It's kinda embarrassing!lol

So I love coffee. If I could have had an IV drip hooked up I would have. Ha! I was drinking about 5-8 cups a day. Yes I am aware that was quite excessive. Here's the thing, my coffee would "wake me up" for about 27 minutes at a time (being a little dramatic here) but honestly it would wear off quickly and I would need more. I literally thought I couldn't live without it. I was addicted and dependent. I was still tired and oh so cranky.

I really didn't think there was a problem. I would drink it black often so I wasn't using my Weight Watcher points on in. A little over three weeks ago I was getting nauseous throughout the day and it happened for about 3-4 days. It seemed to happen around the same time I'd have coffee. It was seriously upsetting my stomach. I had to stop drinking it.

A month ago I would have thought I'd die without my coffee. Here I am three weeks later. Alive. I feel great. I haven't quit caffeine 100% but it has been reduced soooo much. I drink a Spark in the morning and then have a cup of hot tea in the afternoon.

I feel different. I am not sure how to explain it. I am less tired and less anxious. I have an anxiety disorder so I am sure that the coffee was not helping that at all. I am happy that I quit.

I know that I could NOT have done this without my Advocare Spark!!! I have been using Spark off and on for about two years. I'd use it for workouts or a late afternoon pick me up. I started having it every morning when I gave up the coffee. Spark is a unique blend of vitamins, minerals, nutrients and the right amount of caffeine.* I love it! It helps me focus, gives me enough energy to feel sustained and I get so much done during my day compared to the pot of coffee I was drinking before. It isn't like a crazy burst of energy which is what I like. I don't want to feel crazy out of mind. I do a good job of that on my own ;) My favorite flavors are cherry, fruit punch and pink lemonade.

Find out more about Advocare on my micro site. I signed up to be a distributor after two years of using Spark, CorePlex and OmegaPlex. I immediately got a 20% discount and free products. Advocare now has a preferred customer option if you want a discount on your products. You can even get up to 30% off!!! If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me.

I am starting the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. Come back to see how that goes! Hope y'all have a great day. Don't give up on your weight loss journey!

*This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Failing Regularly But Still Fighting

I have been exhausted this past weekend. I napped for two hours Saturday afternoon…then I made bad food choices. I did get my wellness visit off my to-do list. (I love that my Dr. is open on Saturdays!) I am being checked for the following:

• B12 Deficiency
• Basic metabolic panel
• Complete blood count
• Lipid panel
• Liver function panel
• Thyroid/Hormone
• Vitamin D Deficiency

I am eager to get the results but it could be up to a week before I hear back. My moods have been up and down like a roller-coaster…thanks PCOS…

So I was going to do a body cleanse over this past weekend but I spent most of my time having a mini pity party and lying in bed. (My kiddos were at their dad’s house) I did manage to drink a tablespoon of Epsom salt dissolved in 8 oz. of water.  Usually it works within 8-12 hours. Nope. Nothing. Finally after 48 hours it hit me. Of course I was at the grocery store! Lucky me! LOL 

I have felt all out of sorts for the past few weeks. It’s like I started this blog to keep me on track and inspire others and I am a giant mess! I know that I have to keep pressing forward. Yeah I struggled over the weekend and I am super hormonal. I did go to the doctor to see if they can shed some light on what’s going on. I also got right back to tracking in my food journal, I continually hit 10,000+ steps each day, I am eating my fruits and veggies and I am getting plenty of water in. 

So I am not totally back to square one. I just have to keep practicing to stay on track over the weekend. This seems to be my downfall. I thrive in structured, planned environments. (Until I get super bored that is). Maybe I need to structure my weekends more. 

I am still doing my affirmations and I really have increased saying them more and more the last two days. I seem to be happier. Of course this is one of my affirmations. ;) I am setting goals and moving forward. If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time.    

I also signed up to be an AdvoCare distributor. I have been using their products for the past two years and I love them! I think this is something new and exciting and has breathed new life into me. As cliche as that sounds. LOL I do get bored easily.  

Affirmations: Helping Affirm Who You Want to Be!

Somehow along the way we pick up negative thoughts about ourselves. They could have been given to us by others or we create them. I struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis.

Affirmations have helped me be successful in the past. I just got out of the habit of saying them. I am excited to start them again. 

I have learned from my experiences in the past that affirmations should be phrased positively, be in the present tense and be possessive. They do not have to be super elaborate but they need to be specific. Envision how you want to be and then speak to yourself as if you are already that way. These help us to see ourselves in a new way.

Affirm the positive behavior that you want. Say your affirmations to yourself daily. You can say them as you drift off to sleep at night, when you wake up and throughout the day. Repetition will make them a reality.
 
My Affirmations:

• I am happy and enjoy each day.
• I am worthy of love.
• I have a healthy self-image.
• I have the desire and motivation to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. 
• I enjoy exercising and I am full of energy. 
• I have control of my anxiety and I remain calm when stressed. 
• I am working daily on becoming the person I want to be.  

I am struggling with my anxiety and being tired all of the time so I tried to write my affirmations to work on those things. I am going to my doctor tomorrow for my wellness visit and I am going to talk to her about always being tired. I am sure it's related to my PCOS but I wonder if there is something I can do other than what I am already doing.

Today was the first day to recite my new affirmations. I am going to do these for the next 30 days and see if there are any changes. I encourage you to write your own affirmations or use the ones above.

Struggling with Emotional Eating

I am consumed with emotions. My brain is wired differently than someone without anxiety. I hate it. I know that I am misunderstood. I don't want my anxiety to be an excuse for my behavior, for my thoughts. I want control of my thoughts. Still trying to grasp how do that though. I want to overcome this disorder. I know that it will be an everyday battle but I want more victories than failures.

Last night was a semi-failure. I ate a pint of strawberries after dinner but that didn't fill me up. I also ate a bag of microwave popcorn. That didn't help either. I laid in bed feeling empty but full of regret. I got on Pinterest and happened upon a blog post about binge eating. It was just there in my news feed like I was meant to find it. Her words spoke to me so loudly. She was right to say that food would not fill my emptiness. In that moment I stopped and realized the truth behind that statement. My mind was YELLING to go to the pantry, you are hungry...get the food...it will make the empty feeling go away. The reality is it wouldn't have filled me up at all. I know that I was avoiding. Avoiding these emotions. Avoiding the overwhelming amount of housework I had on my to-do list, not knowing where to start.

I continually box stuff up to donate but every time I turn around there is more stuff.  So wore out from the "spring cleaning" I started in January. It's July. I have a box that lives in my dining room that I toss stuff into on a weekly basis. At the same time, I hold on to things way too long. I hold onto material possessions like I do emotions and bad memories. I see how that two are connected.

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.  First with sever PMS symptoms, family issues and then deadlines at work. I found myself in the comfort of potato chips too many times. Now I am stressing about my weigh in tomorrow. I don't want to leave onederland.

I tried to go to bed early last night to avoid the pantry. I woke up four times and had bad dreams. The kind where you are so sad and when you wake up it feels real. Super sad. But I got out of bed at 6 am, had my coffee and worked out before work. Still waiting for these feelings to pass; knowing they are not permanent.

Praying for comfort and for strength to be stronger than my temptations. I know that this will pass but it is so uncomfortable at the moment. I’m squirming! I am going to start doing affirmations again. They seemed to help me mentally and emotionally. It was one of those things that you don’t really notice how much it helped until you stop doing it. I did a 30 day challenge at the beginning of the year. I received a list of affirmations that were written for a life skills class. I had to read them out loud while making eye contact with myself in the mirror. This time I will write them for myself. Stay tuned for the list! You can do them with me too!

Why Can't Life Be Stress Free???

The struggle is real. No joke intended. I can easily allow my circumstance to dictate my mood. I know that I shouldn’t. I constantly have to remind myself to STOP! Snap out of it! Appreciate this day, this moment. Right now in my life my children are not little anymore. I’m grateful but sad at the same time. My daughter, who is a pre-tween, tests me and my nerves daily. Regularly feeling like a failure. It’s very stressful and trying not to slip into past habits. I cannot say that I have been 100% successful at this.

How do you beat stress? It can come in many forms like a strong-willed child, a messy home, work, money, even your marriage at times. Stress will be present in our lives. But I definitely believe that you can work towards minimizing the damage it causes.

Laugh. Or even just smile. I like to get on Pinterest and look at funny cat pictures or gifs. YouTube has a ton of funny videos too! At work, my co-worker and I giggle most of the day in between phone calls or while we are typing. Just by talking in ridiculous voices or mentioning something funny our kids did. I am blessed to share an office with her. This really helps on stressful days. At home, my kiddos and I watch “Try not to laugh” videos on YouTube. I usually lose on the first clip. lol

Workout. Get moving! The other day I was sooo stressed out with deadlines at work, the house was messy, my husband left his lights on and his car battery died so I had to drive on the other side of town to help, and honestly I was a bit hormonal. All I wanted to do was EAT! I can’t say I was the most pleasant to be around but I did withstand the temptation to slip into old habits. I actually had a desire to sweat. I knew I would feel better. My daughter and I went to play racquetball. We only lasted 30 minutes because it was still probably 90 degrees at 8 pm. We had a ton of fun and were drenched in sweat. I felt sooo much better!!! It was way better than the alternative of my wallowing in my own self-pity.

Write it out. Because screaming at the top of your lungs is frowned upon. Not to say I haven’t ever done this. I journal regularly and it seems to help. I am able to get my feelings out and they seem less intense. Don't forget to express gratitude for what you do have. So often we get caught up with what's going wrong. I know I am guilty of this. Plus I love cute journals/notebooks! 

Put on music. I have music on all day at work (unless I take a phone call). I listen to it on my phone and keep one ear bud in. I have been listening to Pandora's Workout Radio station for about 4 weeks. If there is a song I don't like I just give it a thumbs down. I like how it customizes the station just for me. You can easily create an upbeat playlist to keep on your phone as well.  

Sleep. Go to bed a little earlier than usual. Make sure you are getting the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep a night. Take a nap if you can. I love a good Sunday afternoon nap! Granted I only get one once or twice a year but they are wonderful. I have even went to my car on a lunch break and set a timer on my phone for 20-30 minutes. Of course I try to park where no one can see me. This is also a lot easier when it's not the middle of a southern summer heat wave and I don't have to use the air.

There are so many more things you can do but these three are super simple and easy to add into your daily routine. Are there other things y'all do to beat stress?