Struggling with Emotional Eating

I am consumed with emotions. My brain is wired differently than someone without anxiety. I hate it. I know that I am misunderstood. I don't want my anxiety to be an excuse for my behavior, for my thoughts. I want control of my thoughts. Still trying to grasp how do that though. I want to overcome this disorder. I know that it will be an everyday battle but I want more victories than failures.

Last night was a semi-failure. I ate a pint of strawberries after dinner but that didn't fill me up. I also ate a bag of microwave popcorn. That didn't help either. I laid in bed feeling empty but full of regret. I got on Pinterest and happened upon a blog post about binge eating. It was just there in my news feed like I was meant to find it. Her words spoke to me so loudly. She was right to say that food would not fill my emptiness. In that moment I stopped and realized the truth behind that statement. My mind was YELLING to go to the pantry, you are hungry...get the food...it will make the empty feeling go away. The reality is it wouldn't have filled me up at all. I know that I was avoiding. Avoiding these emotions. Avoiding the overwhelming amount of housework I had on my to-do list, not knowing where to start.

I continually box stuff up to donate but every time I turn around there is more stuff.  So wore out from the "spring cleaning" I started in January. It's July. I have a box that lives in my dining room that I toss stuff into on a weekly basis. At the same time, I hold on to things way too long. I hold onto material possessions like I do emotions and bad memories. I see how that two are connected.

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.  First with sever PMS symptoms, family issues and then deadlines at work. I found myself in the comfort of potato chips too many times. Now I am stressing about my weigh in tomorrow. I don't want to leave onederland.

I tried to go to bed early last night to avoid the pantry. I woke up four times and had bad dreams. The kind where you are so sad and when you wake up it feels real. Super sad. But I got out of bed at 6 am, had my coffee and worked out before work. Still waiting for these feelings to pass; knowing they are not permanent.

Praying for comfort and for strength to be stronger than my temptations. I know that this will pass but it is so uncomfortable at the moment. I’m squirming! I am going to start doing affirmations again. They seemed to help me mentally and emotionally. It was one of those things that you don’t really notice how much it helped until you stop doing it. I did a 30 day challenge at the beginning of the year. I received a list of affirmations that were written for a life skills class. I had to read them out loud while making eye contact with myself in the mirror. This time I will write them for myself. Stay tuned for the list! You can do them with me too!