My Weightloss Journey...One Year Down

Life has turned me upside down the past few weeks. Our home was opened as a provisional foster home and we have two new little ones. My daughter had an appendectomy, my husband has a hiatal hernia, my husband's car broke down, the two new little have both been sick separate times, we had hiccups in getting my stepson here for Christmas break and I have been swamped with paperwork to get certified for fostering. I've definitely been humbled this month.

I've managed to stay on top of tracking my food and getting my workouts completed. I didn't lose any weight last week but I also had an unwelcomed visitor. I did splurge on Christmas Eve and Christmas more than I wanted to.

I have one more week left of this year and I want to lose ONE more pound. This would put me at 60 lbs lost for the year. Even with PCOS, that's an average of 1.15 lbs per week. Although there were plenty of weeks that I lost nothing...

I keep getting compliments and questions about my weight loss. People ask if I am at my goal weight and a lot of them seem to think I have lost enough. The reality is I still weigh 178 lbs. I am still a size 13/14. I am super happy about that but I know there is still progress to be made.

Rather than focusing on the scale, like I have my entire life, I am going concentrate on strength training. I know that to change the shape of my body I have to train with weights. This will be a learning process for me.  

This is the first year that I have not given up midway through and gained all of my weight back. What exactly did I do to lose weight? I tracked all of my food intake. I use Weight Watchers' previous points system. I made sure to keep up my intake of supplements. I love AdvoCare. I workout. True story. lol I love FitnessBlender videos on youtube.com. I drink plenty of water and get plenty of sleep. Easy enough, right?

I would say the two things that made the difference was giving it to God because I know I can't do it on my own and I committed to the process through affirmation statements. Have a support system if at all possible. If you don't have one at home or work you find one online. I love Instagram because you can follow real people on their fitness journey and find inspiration and motivation.

I gladly welcome others to join me on this journey to get healthy! :)  

Importance of Journaling

Some women love shoes...I love journals and notebooks! I love putting pen to paper. I have my food journal with me at all times. Only way for me to track properly. I usually have a smaller notebook about 5x7 or a smidge smaller. This way it can easily fit into my purse.

I also keep a prayer journal. I find it easier to talk to God this way. Usually if I start to pray out loud (technically in my head) next thing you know I'm over in left field off on another tangent. Writing helps me stay focused on the Lord and to show all of my gratitude...and of course pray!

I only have a few pages left in my prayer and food journals. You know what that means! I got to take a stroll down the stationary aisle. I ended up with two new journals and then two super cute composition notebooks. I couldn't decide which I liked best...so I got them all.

My prayer journal has the scripture of Psalms 118:24 on the front. "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it". In love! I usually get up about 5:30 am to start my day and this will be a great reminder to be joyful!

The "yes you can" composition notebook will be my goals notebook. I am starting to write my goals in 12 week increments. As I accomplish goals and find things that aren't working I will need to update them. Three months seems like a great time to re-evaluate. 

The "anything is possible" composition notebook is just for funsies right now.  Who knows. I am sure I can assign a purpose to it.

I pulled a muscle in my left quad so I have been taking it easy today. I happen to have an appointment scheduled with a massage therapist tomorrow but I don't know if that will help? I will talk to her bout it. This is the first time I have had a pulled quad. lol Other than magnesium oil and a bit of heat I'm not sure what to do with it.

While I rest up I am going to start writing in my notebooks. Making my goals super official. To achieve your dreams you must turn them into goals. Then turn your goals into affirmations. Writing time!

Self Image Struggles

I have been struggling with the time change. I feel like I am trying to hibernate! The last few evenings I have been carb loading and trying to pass-out around 7:30pm. Plus there was the stress of the Election...

I have also been struggling with body image lately. I feel stagnant in my weight loss. It is coming off more slowly as the year progresses. Which is understandable. It typically comes off faster at first as you introduce diet change and physical fitness. I keep pushing forward even after I fall down...This week I lost 4 oz. Better than a gain though.

I can remember at one point early into my weight loss journey my resting heart rate was at 94. Did you hear that??? 94!!! That's not good! Now my resting heart rate is about 64/65. So over the last 10 months I have reduced my resting heart rate 30 points. My heart is working more effectively now.

So over the last 10 months I have lost 51 lbs, lost several inches(I need to find my starting inches), a few pant sizes and lowered my resting heart rate 30 points and I still struggle to see that big of a difference. I emotionally feel like I am still 237 lbs on some days.

I am trying to focus on what my body can do rather than what it isn't. I know that I will never have my body back to the way it was before I had kiddos. I gained 90 lbs with my first pregnancy. I didn't just get stretchmarks, I got skin tears. Everywhere. Even the backs of my knees. That cute little belly ring I was once able to wear will never see the light of day again. There is loose skin and sad boobies. lol But you know what? I can walk. I have all of my limbs. I can play with my children. I am otherwise healthy (with the exception of my PCOS and anxiety disorder). My husband thinks I am beautiful.

Why do I put so much value on my outward appearance? Of course you feel better when you take care of yourself. That's not what I mean...but when I look in the mirror all I can see is my "mom tummy" and the bags under my eyes. I am getting older by the minute. I am more than that though. I know this. 

I am on a mission to love my body and to be comfortable in my own skin. I know it has to be possible. It won't matter how much weight I lose if I can't love my body as it is now I will never be happy with it.

Weightloss Journey Update: Ups and Downs

The journey is hard right now. Ups and downs are expected. The downs suck. I have been completely sidetracked. I am exhausted mentally and physically. I am trying to juggle so many things. I started relying on food again. I am starting to recognize the emotional eating cycles.

I haven't worked out in a week and a half. I haven't actually cared. That's a bad place to be. I hate it. I skipped my weigh in last Friday because I didn't want to know. I'm going to guess a weight gain. My sacroiliac joint is acting up and has been creating pain and issues with walking at times.

My family and I took a three day weekend and went to the beach. It was nice to get away and have fun. We were headed down to Texas anyways to take my step-son home. Spent time with family while we were there too. While I was there I picked up an audio CD at a rummage sale. It is called Body for Life by Bill Phillips. It helped me refocus on my goals. It is getting me out of my slump.

I know I can be hard on myself. I think we are always harder on ourselves. What would I say to a friend? It wouldn't be things like: you suck, you're a loser, you should be ashamed, etc. Why do I tell myself these things? I would tell my friend it's okay, your mistakes don't define you, you can do this! These are things I should be telling myself. This goes back to affirmations.

I will make better plans. I will make healthier choices. I will get through this rough patch. I will weigh in this week, no matter what! I am already back on track today.

Sometimes I find that if I am going hardcore, a break is nice. It can jump start me back in to the game. The problem is when the break is too long and your old lifestyle drags you back. Not going to let that happen. I need to extend myself some grace. A week off isn't going to kill me. It's over. I can't change it now. I can only move forward and try to stay positive.

Failing Regularly But Still Fighting

I have been exhausted this past weekend. I napped for two hours Saturday afternoon…then I made bad food choices. I did get my wellness visit off my to-do list. (I love that my Dr. is open on Saturdays!) I am being checked for the following:

• B12 Deficiency
• Basic metabolic panel
• Complete blood count
• Lipid panel
• Liver function panel
• Thyroid/Hormone
• Vitamin D Deficiency

I am eager to get the results but it could be up to a week before I hear back. My moods have been up and down like a roller-coaster…thanks PCOS…

So I was going to do a body cleanse over this past weekend but I spent most of my time having a mini pity party and lying in bed. (My kiddos were at their dad’s house) I did manage to drink a tablespoon of Epsom salt dissolved in 8 oz. of water.  Usually it works within 8-12 hours. Nope. Nothing. Finally after 48 hours it hit me. Of course I was at the grocery store! Lucky me! LOL 

I have felt all out of sorts for the past few weeks. It’s like I started this blog to keep me on track and inspire others and I am a giant mess! I know that I have to keep pressing forward. Yeah I struggled over the weekend and I am super hormonal. I did go to the doctor to see if they can shed some light on what’s going on. I also got right back to tracking in my food journal, I continually hit 10,000+ steps each day, I am eating my fruits and veggies and I am getting plenty of water in. 

So I am not totally back to square one. I just have to keep practicing to stay on track over the weekend. This seems to be my downfall. I thrive in structured, planned environments. (Until I get super bored that is). Maybe I need to structure my weekends more. 

I am still doing my affirmations and I really have increased saying them more and more the last two days. I seem to be happier. Of course this is one of my affirmations. ;) I am setting goals and moving forward. If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time.    

I also signed up to be an AdvoCare distributor. I have been using their products for the past two years and I love them! I think this is something new and exciting and has breathed new life into me. As cliche as that sounds. LOL I do get bored easily.  

Affirmations: Helping Affirm Who You Want to Be!

Somehow along the way we pick up negative thoughts about ourselves. They could have been given to us by others or we create them. I struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis.

Affirmations have helped me be successful in the past. I just got out of the habit of saying them. I am excited to start them again. 

I have learned from my experiences in the past that affirmations should be phrased positively, be in the present tense and be possessive. They do not have to be super elaborate but they need to be specific. Envision how you want to be and then speak to yourself as if you are already that way. These help us to see ourselves in a new way.

Affirm the positive behavior that you want. Say your affirmations to yourself daily. You can say them as you drift off to sleep at night, when you wake up and throughout the day. Repetition will make them a reality.
 
My Affirmations:

• I am happy and enjoy each day.
• I am worthy of love.
• I have a healthy self-image.
• I have the desire and motivation to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. 
• I enjoy exercising and I am full of energy. 
• I have control of my anxiety and I remain calm when stressed. 
• I am working daily on becoming the person I want to be.  

I am struggling with my anxiety and being tired all of the time so I tried to write my affirmations to work on those things. I am going to my doctor tomorrow for my wellness visit and I am going to talk to her about always being tired. I am sure it's related to my PCOS but I wonder if there is something I can do other than what I am already doing.

Today was the first day to recite my new affirmations. I am going to do these for the next 30 days and see if there are any changes. I encourage you to write your own affirmations or use the ones above.

Struggling with Emotional Eating

I am consumed with emotions. My brain is wired differently than someone without anxiety. I hate it. I know that I am misunderstood. I don't want my anxiety to be an excuse for my behavior, for my thoughts. I want control of my thoughts. Still trying to grasp how do that though. I want to overcome this disorder. I know that it will be an everyday battle but I want more victories than failures.

Last night was a semi-failure. I ate a pint of strawberries after dinner but that didn't fill me up. I also ate a bag of microwave popcorn. That didn't help either. I laid in bed feeling empty but full of regret. I got on Pinterest and happened upon a blog post about binge eating. It was just there in my news feed like I was meant to find it. Her words spoke to me so loudly. She was right to say that food would not fill my emptiness. In that moment I stopped and realized the truth behind that statement. My mind was YELLING to go to the pantry, you are hungry...get the food...it will make the empty feeling go away. The reality is it wouldn't have filled me up at all. I know that I was avoiding. Avoiding these emotions. Avoiding the overwhelming amount of housework I had on my to-do list, not knowing where to start.

I continually box stuff up to donate but every time I turn around there is more stuff.  So wore out from the "spring cleaning" I started in January. It's July. I have a box that lives in my dining room that I toss stuff into on a weekly basis. At the same time, I hold on to things way too long. I hold onto material possessions like I do emotions and bad memories. I see how that two are connected.

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.  First with sever PMS symptoms, family issues and then deadlines at work. I found myself in the comfort of potato chips too many times. Now I am stressing about my weigh in tomorrow. I don't want to leave onederland.

I tried to go to bed early last night to avoid the pantry. I woke up four times and had bad dreams. The kind where you are so sad and when you wake up it feels real. Super sad. But I got out of bed at 6 am, had my coffee and worked out before work. Still waiting for these feelings to pass; knowing they are not permanent.

Praying for comfort and for strength to be stronger than my temptations. I know that this will pass but it is so uncomfortable at the moment. I’m squirming! I am going to start doing affirmations again. They seemed to help me mentally and emotionally. It was one of those things that you don’t really notice how much it helped until you stop doing it. I did a 30 day challenge at the beginning of the year. I received a list of affirmations that were written for a life skills class. I had to read them out loud while making eye contact with myself in the mirror. This time I will write them for myself. Stay tuned for the list! You can do them with me too!

The Basics of Weight Loss In Plain English

Although the five things below may seem super simple, they can be challenging to complete everyday; day in and day out. They all work together to make a healthier you. Of course there are going to be days that you stumble and even fall flat on your face. But remember…fall down seven times, stand up eight. This is my new mantra. I have embraced it wholeheartedly. I have also been reciting the Serenity Prayer like crazy! 

1.     Drink water! This one is super easy for me. I LOVE water! When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do…okay the second thing I do is drink water. I will drink 8-16 oz. Some may think that sounds hideous but I really feel like it helps get me going in the morning.

2.       Track everything you eat. EVERYTHING. This one is so important but I sometimes I will avoid my journal when I make bad choices. Like not writing it down will cancel out the calories. Let me tell you, it most definitely does not. I do keep a food journal with me at all times. It’s really just a small notebook J I use an old version of Weight Watchers. I had joined meetings back in 2007. It’s what I know and it’s what I am comfortable with. As crazy as it sounds, it’s easier for me to track my points than to track calories. Since it’s an older version I follow it fo’ freeee. (I will do a separate post on that later).

3.       Get moving! It doesn’t matter what you enjoy doing, JUST MOVE! I really enjoy walking, Zumba, Tae BO, HIIT workouts and more recently racquetball with my kiddos. I actually talked the kiddos into doing a Tae Bo workout with me when I got off work the other day. Of course it was more of them just randomly kicking and punching around but it wasn’t horrible. It kept them distracted long enough for me to get in an effective 30 minute workout without feeling like I was taking time away from them.

4.       Get enough sleep. This is so crucial to everything. If I am tired I make really poor food choices and I am super grumpy. I function best on 7-8 hours of sleep. Preferably 8 if I have a say in it. Of course with the demands of children and life it doesn’t always happen that way. I literally have a bedtime and try to adhere to it regularly.  

5.       Positive self-talk. We become the voices in our head. It isn’t something you do once or twice. You have to do it consistently. I went through Lou Tice’s course, “Thought Patterns for Success”. I loved how much it helped me. Over time I fell back into old habits of negative self-talk. I would never say these things to others so why do I say them to myself? Currently working on getting back on track with this. Saying daily affirmations will play a big role in your success. Keep them positive and don’t use words that can be heard as negative like can’t, won’t and don’t. The "Thought Patterns" course teaches you to do them right before you fall to sleep. Just repeat them over and over again. I have also done them looking at myself in mirror. It was super uncomfortable at first and I didn't even want to make eye contact with myself. Over time it did become easier and I became more confident. Here are a few things you can tell yourself:

a.       I make healthy food choices.

b.      I enjoy exercising.

c.       I am strong in mind and body and spirit.

d.      I am losing weight.

e.      I am beautiful and loved.

Small steps to get you started on the right track. They may take some practice to make them a habit but your efforts will pay off.