Failing Regularly But Still Fighting

I have been exhausted this past weekend. I napped for two hours Saturday afternoon…then I made bad food choices. I did get my wellness visit off my to-do list. (I love that my Dr. is open on Saturdays!) I am being checked for the following:

• B12 Deficiency
• Basic metabolic panel
• Complete blood count
• Lipid panel
• Liver function panel
• Thyroid/Hormone
• Vitamin D Deficiency

I am eager to get the results but it could be up to a week before I hear back. My moods have been up and down like a roller-coaster…thanks PCOS…

So I was going to do a body cleanse over this past weekend but I spent most of my time having a mini pity party and lying in bed. (My kiddos were at their dad’s house) I did manage to drink a tablespoon of Epsom salt dissolved in 8 oz. of water.  Usually it works within 8-12 hours. Nope. Nothing. Finally after 48 hours it hit me. Of course I was at the grocery store! Lucky me! LOL 

I have felt all out of sorts for the past few weeks. It’s like I started this blog to keep me on track and inspire others and I am a giant mess! I know that I have to keep pressing forward. Yeah I struggled over the weekend and I am super hormonal. I did go to the doctor to see if they can shed some light on what’s going on. I also got right back to tracking in my food journal, I continually hit 10,000+ steps each day, I am eating my fruits and veggies and I am getting plenty of water in. 

So I am not totally back to square one. I just have to keep practicing to stay on track over the weekend. This seems to be my downfall. I thrive in structured, planned environments. (Until I get super bored that is). Maybe I need to structure my weekends more. 

I am still doing my affirmations and I really have increased saying them more and more the last two days. I seem to be happier. Of course this is one of my affirmations. ;) I am setting goals and moving forward. If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time.    

I also signed up to be an AdvoCare distributor. I have been using their products for the past two years and I love them! I think this is something new and exciting and has breathed new life into me. As cliche as that sounds. LOL I do get bored easily.  

Affirmations: Helping Affirm Who You Want to Be!

Somehow along the way we pick up negative thoughts about ourselves. They could have been given to us by others or we create them. I struggle with negative thoughts on a daily basis.

Affirmations have helped me be successful in the past. I just got out of the habit of saying them. I am excited to start them again. 

I have learned from my experiences in the past that affirmations should be phrased positively, be in the present tense and be possessive. They do not have to be super elaborate but they need to be specific. Envision how you want to be and then speak to yourself as if you are already that way. These help us to see ourselves in a new way.

Affirm the positive behavior that you want. Say your affirmations to yourself daily. You can say them as you drift off to sleep at night, when you wake up and throughout the day. Repetition will make them a reality.
 
My Affirmations:

• I am happy and enjoy each day.
• I am worthy of love.
• I have a healthy self-image.
• I have the desire and motivation to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. 
• I enjoy exercising and I am full of energy. 
• I have control of my anxiety and I remain calm when stressed. 
• I am working daily on becoming the person I want to be.  

I am struggling with my anxiety and being tired all of the time so I tried to write my affirmations to work on those things. I am going to my doctor tomorrow for my wellness visit and I am going to talk to her about always being tired. I am sure it's related to my PCOS but I wonder if there is something I can do other than what I am already doing.

Today was the first day to recite my new affirmations. I am going to do these for the next 30 days and see if there are any changes. I encourage you to write your own affirmations or use the ones above.

Balancing Life and Weight Loss

The last four days have been a huge blessing to me. My Granny and Aunt from Washington State came to visit! I have enjoyed my time with them fully. This is only the third time since 1995 that I have got to see them.  We celebrated my son turning 13; had a family dinner with my two sisters, their spouses and children and my mother. Lots of celebrations with lots of food! Not to mention we just had Fourth of July get-togethers the weekend before.

I knew going into these two weeks that I was going to focus on maintaining my weight. This would be a victory in its own.  Last Friday for my weigh in I was at 198.2…so I had a 2 oz. gain. So this I can live with! Now this week will be a different story! I didn’t want to obsess over what I ate and take away from spending time with Granny and Auntie. Tried to balance as much as possible. This is still a learning process for me...

The problem was all of the leftovers from the birthday party! I have cookie cake, birthday cake and ice cream setting around. Then we had lunch at my sister’s house Sunday and she sent the leftover cookies and chips home with us. Snicker doodle cookies are the devil I tell you! I ate 3 of them! This is why I just can’t keep stuff like this in the house. Plus it’s not healthy for my kiddos to be loaded up on sugar either. I have a headache from the sugar. I had been keeping my sugar intake below 24 grams a day, which is the recommended daily serving.

I’ve got to stay on track for the rest of this. I will do my daily workouts. I will get to sleep on time. I will not eat added sugar! This is a promise I am making to myself. I did well yesterday and today. The children and I walked to the park and played some basketball. The fireflies were out and it was so peaceful.  I enjoyed time with my kiddos and nature. Bonus, I hit my daily goal of 10,000 steps!

I am going to do a detox in the next week or so. About 6 six years ago my husband and I were in a car wreck and we had to go to physical therapy. The therapist there gave us a detox recipe that worked wonderfully. For some reason I am thinking it was from the Mayo Clinic…but I could be wrong. It involves Epsom salt, grapefruit and olive oil. So stay tuned for that post! lol

Struggling with Emotional Eating

I am consumed with emotions. My brain is wired differently than someone without anxiety. I hate it. I know that I am misunderstood. I don't want my anxiety to be an excuse for my behavior, for my thoughts. I want control of my thoughts. Still trying to grasp how do that though. I want to overcome this disorder. I know that it will be an everyday battle but I want more victories than failures.

Last night was a semi-failure. I ate a pint of strawberries after dinner but that didn't fill me up. I also ate a bag of microwave popcorn. That didn't help either. I laid in bed feeling empty but full of regret. I got on Pinterest and happened upon a blog post about binge eating. It was just there in my news feed like I was meant to find it. Her words spoke to me so loudly. She was right to say that food would not fill my emptiness. In that moment I stopped and realized the truth behind that statement. My mind was YELLING to go to the pantry, you are hungry...get the food...it will make the empty feeling go away. The reality is it wouldn't have filled me up at all. I know that I was avoiding. Avoiding these emotions. Avoiding the overwhelming amount of housework I had on my to-do list, not knowing where to start.

I continually box stuff up to donate but every time I turn around there is more stuff.  So wore out from the "spring cleaning" I started in January. It's July. I have a box that lives in my dining room that I toss stuff into on a weekly basis. At the same time, I hold on to things way too long. I hold onto material possessions like I do emotions and bad memories. I see how that two are connected.

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.  First with sever PMS symptoms, family issues and then deadlines at work. I found myself in the comfort of potato chips too many times. Now I am stressing about my weigh in tomorrow. I don't want to leave onederland.

I tried to go to bed early last night to avoid the pantry. I woke up four times and had bad dreams. The kind where you are so sad and when you wake up it feels real. Super sad. But I got out of bed at 6 am, had my coffee and worked out before work. Still waiting for these feelings to pass; knowing they are not permanent.

Praying for comfort and for strength to be stronger than my temptations. I know that this will pass but it is so uncomfortable at the moment. I’m squirming! I am going to start doing affirmations again. They seemed to help me mentally and emotionally. It was one of those things that you don’t really notice how much it helped until you stop doing it. I did a 30 day challenge at the beginning of the year. I received a list of affirmations that were written for a life skills class. I had to read them out loud while making eye contact with myself in the mirror. This time I will write them for myself. Stay tuned for the list! You can do them with me too!

Why weigh yourself?

My personal experience with weighing-in used to be one of two ways; avoiding the scale at all costs because I didn’t want to “know” the truth or obsessing over it and weighing myself every few days or every other day. Both of these methods proved to be unsuccessful. 

Avoiding the scale is never good, especially if you are scared. There’s a good chance that you already know you’ve gained weight and by not stepping on that scale you are avoiding having to deal with it or take responsibility for the actions that got you there. At least this has been true with me. Admitting is the first step to recovery, right? 

Over weighing is not good either. Your body weigh fluctuates so much day to day. Factors like your hydration, whether you’ve went to the bathroom, if your Aunt Flo is about to visit and what you ate the day before can affect your weight. Weighing all the time became very discouraging and I felt like all my efforts were wasted. I would just quit trying. I figured, what’s the point? I would go back to my old ways, gain all the weight back I had lost and then some. 

I still weigh myself though. I have a set weigh-in every week. Only once a week. Never more. (Unless I am on a DietBet online and the weigh-in and weigh-out days are different). You have to know your weight if you are going to manage it. I find that Fridays tend to be the most accurate. On Friday morning I get up, go pee and step on the scale. I typically do really well during the week at work because I am on a schedule. I usually have my “cheat” meal on the weekend. This week I am down to 198!!! Super excited about that! Of course with the long holiday weekend and multiple get-togethers I am going to have to work extra hard this week to maintain it...

If you’ve been avoiding the scale…take that first step to taking back your weight and get on the scale. Then regularly weigh yourself but don’t over to do it. Talk to you next time!