The Journey Begins...

I am ashamed when I look in the mirror. My weight, my size, my fat is the results of my emotions…my inability to control the guilt and pain I have. The saying, “what you eat in private, you wear in public”, couldn’t be truer for me. When I’m sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or depressed I eat. When the past tries to escape the surface of my subconscious, I eat. Sometimes I eat until I feel guilty or even sick and I forget about the past…at least temporarily. 

I am tired of the cycle. I want healing. I’ve been here before. I have the knowledge of how to lose weight. It’s putting it in action. I’ve been working on my “lifestyle” change for six months so far (this time around anyways). I am currently stuck at 202. It’s been about 2 months since I have made any real progress. I am so close to entering ONEderland. I don’t know what’s holding me back. I really thought this would be the week…I worked so hard this last week. I know my sleep was lacking at times and I had a binge night that didn’t end well. But I picked myself up the next day and got back on track.

 

I’ve lost 35 lbs. over the last six months which is progress and for that I am happy. This plateau feels like failure though. I cried so hard after realizing that this was NOT the week for this stepping stone on my journey. It’s a BIG stepping stone though. I haven’t been below 200 lbs. in quite some time. It’s time to move forward. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. It can just be so hard sometimes…but so is being unhealthy and overweight. I have to continue for my kiddos, for my husband and for myself. I know that when I take care of myself I can take better care of them. I want to have energy to get things done, mark off my to-do lists. I want to keep my house clean. I want to enjoy time with my family. I want to have a happy and productive life. 

 My journey has just begun. I am ready to be the best me I can be and the best wife and momma I was meant to be. It will be a balancing act I’m sure but I’m up for the challenge. Join me in this adventure. It’s gonna be crazy at times, emotionally trying and downright hard. But it will be worth it. I am worth it! If you’re reading this, you are worth it too! 

We have one life to live and one body to live it in. We must take care of the bodies we’ve been given or we will not have anywhere to live. Dead. Super dead. Or even worse, we’ll live miserable lives full of ailments and aches and pains. Never fully enjoying life the way it was meant to be; full of happiness and joy. I’m bound and determined to enter ONEderland and never leave!